You Cannot Call This Number

Earlier today, I picked up my phone and dialled a friend’s number to place a call across to her. Putting the phone to my ear, the pre-recorded message that I heard is: “You cannot call this number”. This has happened a number of times today alone, and each time it happened, I kept wondering, “What the blip does that mean?”

My network operator is Glo, and I have a few questions for them. Why can I not call that number? Is it a state security, classified, secure number that is available only to the President? Does calling that number activate some secret nuclear missile launch codes or initiate Project Armageddon?

Or is it that your network has been taken over by Blob, that super-duper artificial intelligence that you have been working on for years? In related possibilities, perhaps terrorists have taken over your switch and collapsed the system to render communications impossible? Are we at war?

Dear Globacom, why can I not call that number? Why can I not call the others too? The last time I checked, I purchased your SIM card and loaded airtime so that I can place calls, among other needs. But now, you just tell me that I cannot call this and that number? Am I indebted to you in any way? Did I publish an offending article here on MOBILITY and this is your way of giving me the middle finger? Could that be it? Or have you run out of ideas on how to inform me that you are having network problems? Because, honestly, the line, “You cannot call this number”, is insulting and annoying to boot.

Please put me through to the people that I want to call. You really do need to rule YOUR world. Right now, you are only dropping the ball.

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Author: Mister Mobility

Master storyteller and founder of Mobility Nigeria, Mister Mobility, has used and reviewed hundreds of mobile phones since 2001.